A little update

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 So I last posted about my break with meditation. I am still on a break. I do go sit outside in the quiet every morning for at least 10 minutes. I just sit. No phone, no real thoughts, just sitting listening to the world wake up. It is kind of awesome and kind of like a meditation. I really, really enjoy it. I sip my coffee and listen to the crickets. After about 10 or 15 minutes, I go in and start my day. Do you know how much more that helps me than forcing myself to do something that wasn't working for me anymore? So great. 

I still have not mastered the exercise beast. I can go a day or so but then it falls apart. I am working on shifting my thought patterns and that takes some time. I try not to think of how little time I have, instead of how much can I fit in that time. Hey, it's a work in progress. 

So I was talking to my chiro a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that he could get me some peptides that might help with weight loss. I thought about it and after a week or so decided to give it a try. So I've been on them a little over a week and wow. They have gotten rid of my appetite. I'm not hungry. I can eat, no problem there. But food is not something I think about. I'm eating far less than I used to. Well, that's not completely true. I actually have been eating the same amount - habit - but the last few days I'm cutting back and only eating until I feel full, which is pretty quick. Today at lunch we went to Four Peaks and I had their poke bowl. Now I can finish that easy. Not today. About half way through it I just lost the desire to eat. It's almost like food loses it's flavors after a while. Anyway, so I stopped and that was that. Now just a little bit ago I did have some pretzel goldfish. I was not hungry but felt like eating something crunchy. So I had some. I guess as snacks go it's not the worst one. While I don't feel hungry, I still enjoy food and have the desire to eat some things. Weird, I know. 

This thing also gives me a huge amount of energy and focus. I mean it is crazy how much. I can focus on a project and just be completely in the zone. I can also start something, get called away for some time, and come back to it and pick up where I left off. I always knew that I let my emotions and feelings get in the way of things I needed to do. With this, it's almost like those have been turned off and I can just get things done. Yesterday after school, I had one more classes tests to grade. Right after school I had traffic duty so I was outside until 3:30pm. When I came back up to my room the thought of leaving the last class until Monday crossed my mind - they would have loved that. But I said no! I don't want to think about this all weekend. I want to be done with these. So I stayed for an extra 30 minutes and got them all graded and entered into the gradebook. I never would have done that before. Never. It's crazy. 

Anyway, that's where things stand right now. I still feel like I'm pulled in a million directions, but I also feel like I have the mental capacity to figure it all out now. So I'm going to work on that this weekend. 

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