Step Away From the Cake

 Here we are days from 2024 and I have not come up with a word for the year. I like having a word for the year as it kind of encapsules what I hope to accomplish in the year. Last year my word was flexible. I engraved it with the definition on a plaque and it was in my work are all year. I saw it frequently and it made me stay flexible every time I looked at it.  Some words:   DO - perform, achieve, complete UNLIMITED - not limited or restricted in terms of number, quantity, or extent. INTENTIONAL - done on purpose, deliberate Okay, I found a word of the year generator and just went through it, only because coming up with a word out of the blue can be difficult. These are just a couple, there were many more but I did not like them for a variety of reasons. But the one that really hits me, and did as soon as I saw it, is DO. That's a great word for me. Because, as I said in the last post, when I feel inadequate I freeze. I don't DO. I stop DOING. And the only thing th...

 I ended up not getting dressed at all yesterday. That bummed Mavy out a little as he never got a walk, but oh well. And while not getting dressed might not sound like a great day, it truly was. After my blog post yesterday, I sat down and looked over my biology course. I ended up spending a few hours, okay 5, planning and I now have the first 9 weeks of school planned out. Woo Hoo!!! Biology is done. I changed things up and made some doodle type notes that I will be doing on the board as I lecture. No more slideshow. I hate slide shows. I always have hated slide shows. It feels so stiff and unnatural. So starting the first day we return, no more slide shows. I'm going back to doing what I do best. I did the same sort of thing for chemistry the other day. I have the entire first unit planned out and the notes all ready. I just need to get something ready for AP Bio and I'll be relaxed and ready to start the spring semester. I honestly think this is what was missing last semeste...

 Haven't purchased anything from Amazon in 4 days - go me. But did go to Costco yesterday and spend $300. Of course that was on food, but still.  I have got to get a handle on this nonsense. I can't live like this. It's blocking me from being creative. I'm stuck and really can't think clearly about my creative stuff because I'm so worried about the money. I mean, I have no one to blame but myself. And it's not like we are broke, not at all. I just need to work on it and get a handle on it so I can stop the stress. I need a plan. That's what I need - a plan. And I can't make a plan unless I know exactly where I am and that requires me to complete the budget. But I don't want to start the budget until the 1st, which is in 3 days. But I could get everything set up and just not put in the the beginning balances until Monday. I need a plan and I need to have it soon to settle my mind.  In other news, there is no other news. I did spend a lot of time w...

 I am stressing a little bit and I need to get a handle on it. The reason I am stressing is money. I'm spending it like a drunk sailor. I can't even count the number of Amazon orders I have coming in the next few days. I had like 3 come in yesterday. Today is another 3 or 4 and then Friday is a few more. I've got to stop. Part of the problem is that I've let the budget go. I don't look after it because I'm too scared to see how broke we really are. So therefore, I spend. This has got to stop. Now!!!! I don't like waking up in the middle of the night thinking about money. I don't. So it's time to pull on my big girl pants and deal with it. I recently restarted my budget but I think I'm going to restart it again for January 1. Initially I'm going to check it every single day. That means checking all the credit card balances daily (something that I don't really do) and keeping things up to the minute up to date. Once I have a good handle on ...

 so I'm working on compartmentalizing the various aspects of my life and making them work together. I think the main thing I need to stop is the, I feel like doing X,Y,Z. That's what gets me into trouble. I don't feel like working so I'm going to cruise Facebook. I don't feel like painting so I'm going to do this. I don't feel like getting all messy with the resin so I'm going to do this. I don't feel like working out so I'm going to do this. That's the kind of thinking that gets me into trouble. It creates the cognitive dissonance that I was talking about last post. I know that I need to work out but in the moment I blow it off and then I feel bad. I can't do that. I just can't. If I schedule a workout I need to go unless I have some major injury. So I'm done with the cognitive dissonance. I think I will plan out my day each morning and take it from there. I need to have a couple of things I want to accomplish and those are the t...

 a state of mental discomfort that occurs when someone holds two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. It can also occur when a person's beliefs and actions don't align.  I believe this is my problem the last few months. My beliefs/values/attitudes are that I want to spend time working on my business and growing that. But my actions are that I have to go to work and teach every day. They are not aligning and I'm almost positive that is causing me some cognitive dissonance. That kind of sucks but at least now I can start working on fixing it.  I've said before that I need to set time aside for my business and school and working out and relaxing and all the other stuff I want to get done. I just need to align that all in my head and make it work. I absolutely cannot go through the next 5 months like I did the last two. I will be a mess. I need to figure out a program and stick to it. I'm thinking that I need to a) not look at Facebook during the day. Doing that s...