Step Away From the Cake

 I just got back from my walk. I usually listen to a podcast while I walk, it's about the only time I have to listen, but today I decided to walk in silence. I realized that I am not spending enough time inside my head and that is more important than listening to a podcast. So I walked in silence. And I thought. I looked at things and did a little analysis.  Yesterday was my lowest point. I realized that on my walk. Because I let myself get so low, I let it affect my dog. I can't do that. Ever. He relies on me to make sure things are okay for him and I didn't do that yesterday. As a result of that he not only looks funny, but is in pain. I can't ever let that happen again. And the only reason it happened is because I let my self care slide and I was not being mindful and thinking clearly. Never, ever, again. Lesson learned, I just hope it hasn't done irreparable harm to Mavy.  I need to shake myself out of this slump and I'm already on the way. It's going to...

 My mindfulness is not where it needs to be for me to be happy. Not at all.  Let me explain.  I posted yesterday about how I was bored and sinking into depression - that's not normal for me. Anymore. Then, yesterday I took Mavy to the groomer's and didn't stop them from shaving him. Why? Why did I allow that to happen? The conversation went like this:  Me: I need him deshedded Groomer: Okay, shaved.  Me: No, not completely.  Groomer: About as short as his head?  Me: Okay I knew in the moment what was being said. I knew what was happening and yet I let it happen. Why? I can't explain it and I don't like that.  My meditation has been off. It's been 10 minutes of me thinking about all kinds of things instead of clearing my mind. It's time to get back to the mindfulness. But how exactly do I do that? Since I left DSMC I have not been focused on mindfulness. I have been under the assumption that I had it under control. My exact thoughts were - I got th...

 I know myself well enough by this point to know how things are going to go. I have been somewhat laid up by cataract surgery for the month of June and this is starting to wear on me. I can't workout. My knee is bothering me so I can't walk as much as I'd like. It's heating up so that means no afternoon activities outside of the pool. And all of these have led me to a slump that is leading to depression. Seriously. I can feel it hanging around trying to get a toe-hold and I can't let it. I have been laying around since Tuesday when I had my last surgery. My left eye has a bit of a line down the side and it is majorly annoying. It twinkles and sparkles if I'm in bright sun. I just feel worn down. I've been eating a lot of bread and am feeling particularly pudgy. Yup, it's all starting to add up to not good. I've been avoiding really looking at the budget because I've spent a ton of money on this eye surgery. Ugh. I don't like this. I don't...

 First, the knee. It was feeling really, really good for a few days. I walked the canal every day and was generally feeling pretty awesome. Then yesterday I spent most of the day sitting at my desk (I'll explain in a minute) and my knee was feeling a little bit tweaky. Then tried to assemble something on the floor and so was kneeling - yeah, I can't do that. Then my hip opening stretches were again kneeling type stretches. Yeah - I still can't do that. So I woke this morning with the knee feeling out of whack again. It is not really painful but definitely not right. So I walked Mavy this morning but did not walk the canal. I have some desk work to do but I'm also going to head to the mall and do a little shopping. So hopefully it will straighten itself out again.  Now, on to yesterday. So Hubby is playing golf today, Father's Day, with his golf buddies and he decided at the last minute that I should make them all tumblers for the day. Okay, I'm not adverse to th...