Step Away From the Cake

 A couple of years ago I discovered the concept of equanimity. Equanimity is defined as mental calmness, composure, and even temperedness through difficult situations. That is something that I strive for. I really, really do. It's a constant work in progress, but something that I have been working on since I discovered it. I'm fairly successful at maintaining my equanimity in most situations. I can usually blow off getting upset over something by telling myself this is out of my control. I am therefore able to step back from a situation and watch it unfold without really getting involved in it. I thought I was doing really good at this. Until 2 weeks ago.  2 weeks ago I lost it in class. I mean I lost it. Big time. I have not lost it like that in class in a very, very long time. And I didn't realize how shaken my equanimity had been until days, I mean daaaays, later. Seriously, this thing happened. I let these emotions just take control of me and kick me around. But it took

 I think I may have reached my limit with my husband. I think we might be nearing the end. In order to completely understand, we need to go back.  I'm not typing the word husband all the time, so I'm going to call him C from now on. C has always drank (I don't know the proper tense of that verb, weird). Our very first date was hanging on the beach and drinking beer. Since then alcohol has always been a part of our lives. And it's been relatively fine up until the past few years. C's choice of alcoholic beverage has almost always been beer with some hard drinks now and again on special occasions. Then, in January 2021, he was hospitalized with Covid. He was in intensive care for 7 days. It was very, very scary. He was literally hours away from being put on a ventilator. He came out of the hospital after 7 days and was home for another 4-5 weeks while he completely recovered and regained his strength. It was a very scary, scary time and it seemed like it had changed h