No more chasing
I posted in the SCI group the other day that I no longer felt like I was constantly chasing something. I really want to take a few minutes and expand on that more here. Up until my late 20's/early 30's I felt like I lived in the moment. I felt like I didn't worry about the future, as evidenced by a number of poor money choices, and that I was present in my life. But some time in my 30's that all changed. I can't pinpoint when or why, but I know it did. I know I fell into a deep, deep depression that lasted a long time. And maybe it was that depression that caused the chasing, I don't know. What I do know is that for a large part of my life I felt like I wasn't living in the moment but chasing some future ideal. Which, by the way, I never managed to get. But I remember always thinking "well, when X, Y, Z happens then things will be great" - that never happened. I also remember experiencing really high, highs. Like being super elated and over the