Step Away From the Cake

2 days in a row, something must be up.  I have a lot of thoughts today. In SCI we focus each week on something that is not good for us. Social comparison - that never helps or is true. Perfectionism - that can paralyze me if I'm not careful. Discomfort - this can be good if you are aware and deal with it. Stress - need I say more? General mindfulness - so important to mental health. Things like that. So each week we focus on one topic and try to find it as much as possible. Which is great initially but I've reached the point where things are starting to overlap and become much more complicated. Let me explain One thing I've learned that I do is that I develop apathy. Apathy can come when things are okay and I'm just not inspired or motivated to make them better. I now realize that apathy can lead me into a depressive state, so I'm extremely thankful I can spot apathy before it grows into depression. Well, when I am in the apathetic state, I fall into all kinds of ol

Things have been going okay in my life for quite a while now. I'm doing okay. I'm walking most mornings. I swim. I'm working on a class I'm taking online. I'm slowly preparing for next school year. Things are definitely okay. The only real problem I have is that I don't want them to be okay. I want them to be as good as they can possibly be. And in order to get there I'm going to have to break through this apathy that I seem to be wallowing in.  I'm not depressed, definitely not that. But I do have a serious case of apathy. Everything is okay and I don't have the drive to make it better. I mean if it's not broke don't fix it, right? The problem with that is that I'm not completely happy with the way things are. I'm just not unhappy with the way things are either. So let's take a deeper dive into this apathy.  Let's look at the individual aspects of life: Money:  we have money. Not lots but enough. We do some dashing here and t

So it's been a hot minute since I've been here. I haven't posted anything since Feb. 23rd and the world has literally changed since then. The. Entire. World. Let's recap:  March 5th: Last day of school before spring break. Woo Hoo.... March 13th: The governor issues a stay at home order for the next 2 weeks.  March 14th: We get word that school will not resume on Monday but that teachers have to report to school.  March 15th: Governor issues school closure order and we get notified that teachers will not be coming to school.  March 16th: We are told to create Google classrooms and everything will move online. At this point we are still only looking at 2 weeks.  March 23rd: Online 'schooling' begins and should only be for one week.  March 25th: (not positive of this date) governor says that schools will remain closed for the rest of the year. We are given a stay at home order until May 31st.  Everything closed. Schools, parks, gyms, restaurants, stores, everythin