Step Away From the Cake

Today is finally the 2nd mediation day. Our first one was in September and we've been trying to schedule a 2nd one since then. I've been ready to go twice, and I had even scheduled the days off, but others held it up. Well, this is my last time. If we can't work something out this time, I'm done. Seriously. I'm done. I am not doing this again. I'm not positive exactly why we are doing it this time, but then I wasn't sure why we did it last time. I'm willing to give it one more shot. My hopes are that we can come to an agreement to live peaceably for the next 18-24 months and then we will be gone. That's all I want. So yesterday ended my teaching of a Phoenix class. Don't know how that is going to turn out. The mentor has to write an evaluation that will determine if I get officially hired or not. We'll see how that goes. I am now with nothing outside of work to do. No dissertation class. No teaching class. Nothing. It's kind of nice. ...

I can be very indecisive....I'm not even sure if that is the right word. Maybe it's more that I lack follow through?? But that's not quite it either. Here's the deal, I start something - all gung-ho and ready to conquer the world - then, if I don't see progress immediately I give up. Or, possibly even worse, is that I try something for a little bit, then try something else, then try something else. Never settling on one thing. Never giving one thing a really good try. Let's talk examples. I did WW for a couple of weeks and was actually doing pretty well. Then I stopped doing, or rather was doing it in a way I knew wasn't right. I started feeling like crap and I blamed WW and then stopped completely. Then I tried that AltShift. That is much more the way I like to eat, but I felt like a blimp while eating that way. Not a blimp in the way I feel when I eat a lot of carbs, but a blimp nonetheless. Plus Thanksgiving came around and I didn't stick to AltShif...