Step Away From the Cake

is not something I do well. I am very strong and independent, and do not frequently ask for help. Luckily, I also have an awesomely, amazing husband. On the way to Costco I told him that I was extremely unhappy with my weight and that I planned to start paleo/Whole 30 on Monday. While this may seem like nothing, he does all the cooking, so he has to alter his life in order for me to do this. His response? Okay! He is awesome. He has no problem switching up what he cooks to accommodate me. He does not need to lose weight, but he will do what is necessary to help me out. We went out to lunch to a place that bottles their own BBQ sauce and we love it. Hubby says he was going to buy a bottle, but now he will have to make his own paleo BBQ sauce. He is the best ever!!!!!! So now I'm feeling better about this whole thing. I will be doing some cooking tomorrow to make my lunches for the week. The trip to Costco was so-so. They didn't have some of the things I wanted, but they had a...

and I seriously do not know which way to turn. I know that I need to lose some weight. I also know what it takes to do that. But how do I get going? Do I start slow and build up? Do I jump right in and go for broke? How did I do it before? I just don't know. I get this way when I feel overwhelmed. I just don't know where to start. I'm in the same position with my dissertation at the moment. Okay, I need to stop this. I am a reasonably intelligent adult, I can figure this out. I can't do everything at once, so start where you are and build from there. Let's begin with the diet. There are so many possibilities, and so many that have worked for me in the past. Weight Watchers, paleo, okay, those are really the only two that have worked well for me. And why have they worked well. Is it the 'diet' itself or was it the fact that support came with it. I tend to poo-poo the idea of support and think I am strong and can do it alone, but is that true? In both Weigh...

Unfortunately, this is going to become a bit of a diary it looks like. I really have reached the end of my rope and I need a place to work this all out, so looks like this will be it. So last night I joined 24 hour fitness. Not sure if that was a smart thing or not. Right now I am not that motivated to work out because of the foot - or the excuse de jour - but my thinking was I can at least use the elliptical which provide a fabulous cardio workout without hurting my foot. Not sure exactly when I'm going to do this, but it is there when I am ready. I'm thinking of going Friday on my way home from work. Hubby works Friday nights so there is no need to rush home. After that, who knows....... Here is part of the problem. I impose this demands on myself and then when I don't meet them I feel bad. For example, walking the dogs. I want to walk the dogs, I do. I love walking the dogs. It's usually quiet and peaceful, I listen to my book and it's just me and the pups. Re...

That is when everything changed. Something snapped in me this morning and I'm not sure exactly how this is going to play out. For months I've been whining about needing to lose weight and working out again, etc. Yet, I've been doing the same old thing. Sitting on my butt in front of the computer and eating whatever the hell I feel like. How the hell can I expect things to change when I keep doing the same thing. It all hit me this morning. I just can't do this anymore. I'm over it. Where exactly to go from here? I need a huge change, a major upset. I need to turn everything on its head and just start over. Mostly I need to stop making excuses for myself. I have a lot to do but guess what, so do other people. I just need to want it bad enough. Okay, I'm done.

Seriously. I like to think I don't deal in drama, but I think I create the drama for myself. I'm not sure that even made sense. I don't get involved in external drama, but I will create much internal drama. I will create situations where I am putting great stress on myself. For example, my dissertation. I have not looked at it in over a month. I should have been working on it. I should quit talking about it and do something about it. But do I? Noooooooo...... I'm getting so very tired of myself. Seriously....... I need to take control, really take control and not just talk about it. I need to work on everything. I need to stop this complete nonsense. I need to get off the roller coaster.

I've learned a lot of things in the past couple of years. One thing I've learned above all else, is that avoiding something rarely works. Avoiding something does not prevent it from happening, and it usually makes it far, far worse. Facing things head on is usually the best way to go. So generally I try to just face things. Sometimes I have to work up the courage only to find out it was much simpler than I thought. Usually. This is something I have to relearn over and over again. Although I am getting better at it, I still tend to avoid things that are unpleasant. The last couple of weeks, I've been working on facing all kinds of stuff in my life. Catching up on what I was behind on and working to be present and current in my life. Well, one thing that I have been avoiding big time is my proposal. I've been able to justify my avoidance due to it not having been approved yet, and why work on it when I'm just waiting. But that is a really poor excuse. I should be wor...