Step Away From the Cake

I've been doing Crossfit for almost 3 years now. That is longer than I have ever stuck with one particular program. But lately, I'm thinking that Crossfit and I have reached an end. There is a lot going on in my life, at the Crossfit gym I go to, and just in general. I think it might be time to step away from the box. For much of the 3 years I have been at Crossfit, I have had some sort of injury. My shoulder, knee, back, foot, not to mention all the little pains and strains that I get. I don't blame Crossfit or our coaches. I blame myself. Crossfit is set up to make you want to try and push yourself. I am very competitive with myself and I fall into that trap all the time. I can snatch 45#, let's see if I can do 50# or 60#. I know it's stupid, I know better, but I can't help it. When I do the sensible thing, and hold back, I just feel like a slacker. So for the past 7 weeks I've been dealing with this foot injury. I have seen the chiropractor and been...

Yesterday was completely focused on food. I ate. And ate. And ate. But it was all good stuff. I had a cheese omelette for breakfast. Then I had chicken and pasta for lunch. Then I had made a chicken and lentil thing in the crockpot, so that was dinner. I did have a Magnum double peanut butter bar for dessert, but other than that, only good stuff. It was interesting, because I was full but not overly stuffed full. I did not feel sick like I do when I overeat other types of food. I did expect to wake this morning feeling hungry, that's usually what happens when I start eating again, but I didn't. I guess one day is just not going to cut it. My body is not falling for that crap anymore. So I will have to focus on eating well today again in order to get the metabolism working. I never made it to Crossfit yesterday. I was getting ready to leave and some guy pitching solar energy came to the house and I lost track of time. So Crossfit never happened. I did walk on the treadmill in...

I have a habit of waiting for things. If I lose this weight...... If finish this dissertation.......If I.......... It is one thing that rather annoys me and that I haven't been able to break. I need to break it though and now seems like a good time to start. While some things have to focus on the end result; finishing my dissertation is not going to happen by itself; other things can be worked on in small increments and not wait for some big thing to happen. I have spent the last 7 weeks in pain with my foot. Now 7 weeks is not a terribly long time, it is a good chunk of time. I have spent those 7 weeks waiting for my foot to get better. Waiting to be able to do the things I want to do. As a result, my workouts have dropped off and I'm starting to feel it. I have been sleeping like I'm drugged. That is generally a sign, a sign that I have missed these last few weeks. When things are going well, I generally wake up ready to take on the day and can keep moving through my ...

This is my mind right now. There are so many thoughts floating around. So many things I want to do. So many changes I want to make. Too much thinking. This is what happens once I get myself unstuck. I was stuck for a long, long time but once I started taking control back last week, things started falling into place. I've got the money under control and a plan to continue moving forward that way. I cleaned my desk and work area, I don't think it has ever been this clean or organized. I'm not completely done, but every time I walk in here to use the computer I smile. I have started working on my proposal again. I didn't know exactly where to start with that, so I just sat down and started reading and writing. I now have a plan to move forward and to keep making progress on it. Also, once I started reading and annotating, things started to fall into place and I'm getting an idea about what I want to write. So now that things are falling into place and I have plans to ...

I like to say that I detest drama. The world is full of drama and I hate making more. But now I am wondering if that is just talk. I did have some money issues that were weighing me down, but now those have been straightened out. Which led me to thinking about other things on my 'hit list' and that is where the drama queen thought popped up. I want to lose weight, desperately want to lose some weight. I've given up the thought of being skinny, I just don't want this big belly that I have. Well, that belly is caused by sugar. I can feel it happen when I consume sugar. So I need to stop eating sugar. It's hard, but it's not that hard. But recently, including last night, instead of avoiding it, I eat some and then feel bad, so I eat some more, and then feel worse. Creating my own drama. Then there is the whole writing the dissertation thing. I have to do it, I have to work on it regularly to get it done, our entire future is balanced on this thing. But have I work...