Step Away From the Cake

My right knee is a mess. I have no cartilage in it and apparently I've developed arthritis. For months now it has been bothering me. Months. It gets slightly swollen, just enough so I have a hard time straightening it out. It feels unstable and hyperextends. And it's super stiff whenever I get up from a chair. I can't squat properly, so I'm relegated to doing box squats. I can't jump or run. I understand getting old, I really do. This body has been around for 55 years and has taken a lot of abuse over the years. I understand that it is wearing down some. I get it, I really, really do. But this knee is freaking annoying. I'm over it. I have seen an ortho a number of times and I've gotten cortisone shots, they don't really do anything anymore. Also, it's not really painful. I don't have much pain, sometimes I do, but it just doesn't work right. But I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to need surgery to fix it. UGH...

I got an email the other day from the school where I am getting my Ph.D. from. It is time to submit my premise for my dissertation and start forming a committee that will guide me through the process. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. In order for that to happen I have to do a number of things first and I am literally frozen by fear. As soon I start to think about the things I have to do I feel like I get completely overwhelmed and just don't know where to start. UGH!!! I hate that feeling. But I have to face it, the premise it due in 3 weeks. Yikes. In other news of the day, yesterday was pretty good. I felt really tired and draggy all day and I'm not really sure why. I ended up eating a bologna sandwich - on bread - around 1pm and shortly after started feeling much, much better. I'm not sure if I was hungry or needed some carbs. It was a kind of foggy feeling that may well have been my body switching over to fat burning, but I'm not positive and we had plans last night so I cou...

Another pretty darn good day. Not perfect, but I'm not shooting for perfect, I'm shooting for liveable. So let's reveiw: Food: had a hard boiled egg before Crossfit. Then eggs and hot links after. Lunch was a steak salad. Snack was cherries and a slice of sourdough bread. Dinner was broccoli, bacon, and sausage. That was it. Not bad. Could have done without the bread, but what is is. Activity: Crossfit in the morning and by afternoon I was getting sore. Tried to work on my school work after breakfast but was so tired from a crappy night's sleep. Headed out to run a couple of errands. Tried to take a little nap but not so much. Worked on the costumes all afternoon. Did not walk the dogs because I was exhausted and it was raining on and off. Had dinner, watched some TV and went to bed. Last night when I went to bed I started coughing, so as a preemptive strike I took some Nyquil. This stopped my cough and guaranteed a good night's sleep. Winner. Going to have...

Yesterday went pretty well. I ate every 3 hours. I did Crossfit in the morning and then kept busy all day. I got done things I needed to get done. I felt pretty darn good about the day and ended up tired. Nice. Let's look at what I ate: Early morning: string cheese and coffee with heavy cream Breakfast: 2 slices of bacon, 2 eggs, avocado Lunch: Huge salad with poppy seed dressing, pumpkins seeds, craisins Snack: couple of slices of uncured salami and string cheese Dinner: steak, baked potato with butter and sour cream, bacon wrapped scallops, broccoli and beans. That was it. I did not eat after dinner. Yeah me!!! Dinner looks like a lot but it really wasn't. I didn't finish my steak or potato and left the table satisfied but not stuffed in any way. Between the snack and dinner I walked the dogs and got hungry. I might need to make that snack a little more substantial in order to not get hungry when walking the dogs. But I don't want it to be too large and then ...

I used to get really angry at myself for having to start over. I would get really upset and could not understand why I couldn't just stick to something. Well, I've learned over the years, that is pretty much what life is all about. Making mistakes, moving on, starting over. I no longer get angry at myself but try to learn from my non-successes. I've been trying to get things started again these past few weeks, but I kept running into walls. Depression. Lethargy. Illness. I think I've gotten over all the walls and I'm ready to give it another go. So I need some goals that are not so lofty I fail, but things to start moving me towards feeling better. There are two components to this thing; food and activity. Both of which I've been doing poorly at. So let's look at them individually. Food: My eating in the recent past has been horrendous. I don't eat breakfast until 10am. Sometimes I don't eat lunch at all other times it's something I grab and ...