Step Away From the Cake

Why do I keep repeating the same stupid things? Why does nothing ever really change. I mean things change, but some aspects of my life just keep repeating themselves. Why, why, why? I don't want to go into detail here, it's far too depressing. That's what I feel like. I have good intentions, I even make some progress, and then bam, right back into old habits. Why, why, why? Is it possible to really change? Is it such a long process that I just lose interest? Do I lose track of why I want to change? I'm trying hard to figure it out and I'm just not having a whole lot of luck. Is it because I don't truly know how to change? Do I get these flashes of brilliance and then they fade? That's what it seems like sometimes. Or am I just plain lazy? It is easier to just do what I've always done? Is it easier to fall into old patterns and screw the new stuff? I don't know but I'm over it. I'm really truly seriously done with this. Starting right here...

I filed for unemployment. I am still waiting for a decision. Freaking unreal. I'm pretty sure I know what is going on. They did not have good reason to fire me, so they are stalling. Waiting the maximum time to return phone calls, saying they need to talk to so and so before they give an answer. Bullshit. The good news is, I've moved on. I no longer have the hate for them I did. I have let it go. Now I just feel sorry. Sorry for someone being so small minded and petty. Sorry that they hold on to power and think they really are all that when they don't have a clue. Incredibly sorry for the students. Most of them will be okay, but some of them are really getting screwed. They are going to go out into the real world and get kicked in the teeth and not have a clue as to what happened. Babying students and bending over backwards for them is one of the greatest disservices you can do to them. Part of teaching is to expose them to the real world in a safe environment where they a...

My paper this week is on journaling. We are supposed to journal for three days and then write a paper about it. Ummmm...I journal all the time....I don't see the need to journal separately for this assignment. Also, the assignment is on the act of journaling and not necessarily what we write. So I figure I can whip this paper out today, then I can get started on the other two which are more difficult. So that will be my goal today, get one paper written and two others started. I spent yesterday working on the notebooks for my classes. I will be teaching general chemistry, honors chemistry, AP chemistry, and astronomy. Very exciting stuff. I'm struggling a little bit with gen. chem vs honors. I know that it goes more in-depth and faster, but it's going to be weird teaching two classes, one book, and different paces. I'm sure I'll figure it out. I have been going to Crossfit every day and feeling pretty darn awesome. Knee is getting somewhat better, though I don...

Being unemployed, I don't get as much activity in my day. When working I am constantly walking around the class, running errands on breaks, etc. Then after school I would do crossfit or whatever. So I moved a lot more than I do now. I tried to figure out how to get more movement in my day. There was a time when I would never sit still. I tried to remember the things I used to do. I know one of them was running, but that was only one. Then yesterday we went for a ride to the north shore. We just cruised stopped at a beach or two, had lunch at our friend's shrimp truck, it was awesome. And one of the things I realized is how much I like to be out in nature. Which led to me deciding to bike more. Which was followed by, why don't I take a bike ride in the afternoons? Duh!!! I do Crossfit in the morning and I walk the dogs in the evenings. The middle of the day is hardest part. Why not take a bike ride? Even if it's hot, I can still ride. I will be out in the fresh air and...