Step Away From the Cake

For the last couple of weeks I've been rolling around the idea of taking a break from Crossfit. There are a lot of reasons for this, a lot. First and foremost is my knee. I make progress and then it acts up. It seems to be getting progressively worse and I really need to get it better or just fix it. I was talking to one of the girls at Crossfit who had to take 6 weeks off for something else. Her knee got so much better in that time that it hardly bothers her now. That made me stop and think. Second is the money. It would be nice to have a break from paying out $200 a month for a little bit. Finally, it's just time for a break. I've been doing Crossfit almost 2 years and while I really do love it, it is becoming a bit of drudge. Some time off might just rekindle the love affair again. So, with all these thoughts rolling around my head for the past couple of weeks, and the conversation with the girl this morning, I have decided to take the month of May off from Crossfit.

On Tuesday I will be 55 years old. It is hard to believe. I never really thought I'd live to be this old. Seriously. When I was in my 20's and even my 30's, 55 seemed so incredibly far away, I just did not see it happening. But, here we are 3 days away from it. I am not big on birthdays, I don't think I ever really have been. Hubby celebrates the entire month - yeah, I'm not like that. Maybe one day or a meal, but really not that big on birthdays. Especially now as I'm getting older, I don't see celebrating the fact that I'm that much closer to death. I know it's a glass half full kind of thing. I could look at it as I made it another year - but to me that is still a weird thing to celebrate. But 55 is a biggee. My Dad did not live to see 55. My brother Joe did not live to see 55. My nephew Clifford did not live to see 55. I'm getting to the point where people do not live this long. And that's not to say that 55 is old, because it is not. It

Today I bought this book: I had a $2 credit at Amazon and it was $2.99, so I bought it and was reading it during school today - yeah, I was busy :) Anyway, I didn't get far and I was skimming, but one thing struck me hard. He says that part of losing weight is keeping promises to yourself. All promises. He said something like every time you break a promise to yourself you undermine your ability and determination. As I was reading that, I was thinking about all the grandiose promises I have made myself over the years. I will lose tons of weight...I will workout everyday...I will workout twice a day....I will...I will...I will....... And every time I didn't do what I said I would I hurt myself and I made really doing it that much harder. It makes sense. This week I felt powerful and in control because I had said I would do certain things and I was doing them. Even when I couldn't do everything I wanted to, I didn't stop doing them and say what a failure I was, I back

Here we are at Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday, and I will have made it through my first week back after break. That will only leave 5 more weeks of school. Oh, hell, yes..... I started the week with a lot of plans, and overall, I've stuck to them. But I think I went out of the gate too fast. I think I need to slow down and rethink these things. I started the week with the intention of doing my physical therapy twice a day, keeping the kitchen clean, staying on top of the money, being organized and efficient. Well, it was a good effort. I have managed to stay on top of the money, and I think that will be easy to keep going. I have managed to keep the kitchen clean and to clean up in the evenings. I have not managed to do my PT exercises twice a day. First my band broke (I've ordered a new one) then I got sore. Really. Sore. So I need to start that a little slower. Maybe I'll do them in the morning next week, then add the evening ones. I have not managed to hit Crossfit every

My new plan of organization was set in motion last night and it has resulted in an awesome day. In fact, I discovered that being organized and in control of my life is absolutely contagious. I went to school today not really knowing what I was doing - it's been 2 weeks since my last class - so I was definitely winging it. But once I set on a plan, watching videos, I was again in control and the day took off. I got my papers organized while they watched the video, I filed, sorted, and planned out what needed to be done. I also wrote a test, which they will take on Wednesday and Thursday, went through the test and wrote a review for tomorrow. I am awesome and I totally rock this organization thingee. So I've had a great day, the evening is starting off great and will be awesome. I like this. I like this a lot.

Today was my first real day with my cleaning/organizing plan. I kind of started it last night but today was the first real day. And, I should note, that I have been on break so today was kind of easy since a lot of things have been recently done. In spite of that, I do not feel the pressure I usually feel to get everything done today because I'm going back to work tomorrow. Gone. I know what I need to do, I have a plan to get it done, and boom freedom. That allowed me time today to do some other things I wanted to get done, namely go through some stuff in the spare room. Boom. Done. I have my lunch for the week in the crockpot, I have my clothes ironed and ready to work, I am ready. I like this. A. Lot. I see the appeal in organization and planning now. I am going to make dinner for us tonight, and get my lunches ready for the week, and spend the evening relaxing. Early to bed because the alarm is going to go off early tomorrow. It will be a long, long day. Ugh....

I think I've talked about this before, but for most of my adult life I've been a perfectionist. I have lived with all or nothing thinking. It has taken me a long time to lose that thinking, and I keep finding myself doing it, but I am getting so much better is it awesome. I can see and feel the changes it is making in me and I love it. I am not the most organized person in the world, and I think that goes hand in hand with perfectionism - if I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all. But a couple of weeks ago, I cleaned off my desk and vowed to myself that I would keep it clean. Now, I wasn't perfect at this, and some days I would notice it had gotten completely out of hand. Instead of giving up - past behavior - I would just stop what I was doing and clean it up. Boom, problem solved. I had to do that a few times, but now I'm getting into the habit of putting things away when I am done. Still not perfect, but better than it was before. A few weeks befo