Step Away From the Cake

I get in these moods when I feel like something needs to be done and I'm not sure exactly what. I need to do something drastic to really change things up. I know that doing the same things will get me the same results and I don't want that. I want things to be different. Okay, I kind of know the problem so I'm going to go. In spite of my month of gratitude, I'm feeling a little ungrateful. I see people who are doing and getting things I would like to do and get and I feel a little jealous. There we go, I've said it. I'm not proud of it. I don't feel good about it, but it's the truth. This month of gratitude has helped that feeling a whole lot, but it is still there a little and I need to lose it. I'm feeling a lot of, how come they can do it and I can't? type of feelings. Also the, why is it so easy for them? Now I know that is not true. I know that they had to work hard for the things they get, but from the outside it looks easy. Another p

This week has not been good. Earlier in the week, my knee was really painful and I was afraid to Crossfit. In fact, I even considered quitting Crossfit for a while so I wouldn't be tempted to do it. The pain peaked on Monday or Tuesday night, I forget which. I tossed and turned most of the night because my knee was hurting. It was not really the knee though, it was the inner quad muscle above the knee. See that Vastus Medialis Muscle? I'm pretty sure that was the one that was so tight I could hardly bend my leg. Anyway, that muscle was throbbing all night long. In my half awake state I thought that it was the muscle relaxing. When I woke the next morning my knee felt good. Wednesday night I went to Crossfit and we did 60 wall balls and a bunch of other stuff. After the workout my knee felt really good. I slept well that night and when I woke Thursday my knee felt awesome. I didn't go to Crossfit Thursday for some reason that I forget now, but Thursday night my knee f

Day 20: I'm grateful for Crossfit. I have been slacking a bit this week, but it is always there and I am grateful I get to be part of that. Day 21: I am grateful for speedy shipping. I ordered something on Monday and I got it today. Yeah!!! Day 22: I'm grateful for other people's success. I read other blogs and Facebook pages and sometimes I think, why can't i do that. But then I realize, this is my life, my story, and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Then I get happy for them and wish them well.

I do every year, so why should this year be different? I am not good on anniversaries or commenorating special days. Just not good. But nine years ago I started this blog. I was in a very different place then. It is great fun to read the archives and see what was going on then. We lived at the ranch still, in a crappy house on the beach. We had Mana, Rocco, and Nala. I was getting into triathlons and running. Oh, and I was working at the lab. Yup, it was a very different world for me....

I do believe I have stopped the free fall. That is good. I am slowly making my way back to normal. The problem I'm having is my knee. My knee has been swollen for a few weeks but there has been no pain. The coaches at my box showed me how to wrap it and reduce the swelling. I've been doing that and it's been working. The swelling is gone. But the knee is still larger than the other one and lumpy and now I'm having pain. It was like the swelling was keeping the pain at bay. Now that the swelling is gone the pain is back. I have been avoiding going to the doctors because I pretty much know what they are going to say. But, I believe I can put it off no longer. I am calling today to make an appointment. It is one thing to not run to the doctor and try and rehab it on your own, it is another thing to be an idiot. I'm done being an idiot. So wish me luck.

Day 18 - I'm grateful for my sewing abilities. Seriously!!!! I am a good sewer, no, I'm a fabulous sewer. I can pretty much sew anything if I put my mind to it. I started making wrist wraps and in just 3 days figured it out completely. More important, I revived my love of sewing. I set up the spare room as a sewing room and I just could not be happier. Day 19 - I'm grateful that we own our house. We don't have a lot of money, but we own the house and that is awesome. There is a special kind of peace that comes with owning your own home. A feeling that no one can take it away - at least not without your permission. So I am grateful for that.

Day 16 - Saturday. I'm grateful for my creativity. I am a very creative person, when I let myself go. I tend to be too rigid and agenda driven in my everyday life, but when I let go - watch out. I am tapping into that creativity now and getting back into sewing. I love sewing and I love being creative. Two awesome things. Day 17 - I'm grateful for every single day I wake up. Seriously. I know how fragile life can be and just the fact that I wake up everyday is a miracle. So I am grateful for every day that I get.