Step Away From the Cake

As I was leaving to go to Crossfit, I told the dogs that I choose to be happy. I said that all the way there and as I walked in. I choose to be happy. I took joy in the warm-up and did the hardest version I could on the WOD. I gave it my all and I am proud of what I did. I left there feeling good. Good about the work I did. Good about the way I felt. Good about life. This is how I claw my way out of depression. One moment at a time. Remind myself that I choose to be happy and look for joy in all things. I feel good. I feel like I have made a real start on the road to happy.

I have never been diagnosed with depression, but I have battled it my whole life. I like to say I dance with it. I'm not sure when it started but I have had it on and off for years. Never to the point where I couldn't function, but I can see how that could happen. As I look back over the past year, I see a pattern that is all too familiar to me. A pattern I would really like to break. I started at Crossfit a year ago, almost exactly, and was very excited about it. I went as often as my body would let me and I lost weight and got stronger. It was great, I loved it. Then earlier this year I injured my shoulder. That slowed me down and took some of the fun out of Crossfit since it was difficult and painful. Then I injured my back, and that is something not to mess with - the back. The back slowed me down a lot more than the shoulder did, and I'm still babying it. Somewhere between the shoulder and the back, depression started to creep in. I lost the enjoyment of Crossfit a