Step Away From the Cake

So I went to Crossfit and it was like a slap in the face. Just walking in I started to feel depressed. Seriously!!!! I knew that I have lost some ground and I was bummed about it. I got in there and saw the workout and wasn't thrilled with it. 3 rounds for time: 6 pull ups 22 wall balls 168 single unders Actually it was 6 muscle ups while holding a medicine ball with your legs. 22 wall balls with an extra squat while the ball is in the air.  84 double unders.  Since I can't do muscle ups or double wall balls or double unders, I did the easier versions. That made me feel depressed. Then I just did not put my heart into it. I really phoned it in. Yes, I did every single rep and yes, I sweated my butt off, but I could have gone a whole lot harder and faster. And I didn't. I chose not to.  I feel fat and old and so completely out of shape. I hate this feeling and I'm not sure how to shake it. Or even if I should try. Maybe I should just ride it out and keep...

After Tuesday's little DNF, I had a meltdown. A complete and total meltdown. I actually considered quitting Crossfit at one point. I was so pissed off at myself for a whole lot of reasons. Mainly because, even though I workout, I still let myself get this way. I am in a condition where I can not run a mile. 1 stinking mile. Okay, in reality I can run 1 mile, but not when I'm doing any weight movement that involves the back. Regardless of that, I was pissed that I let myself get to this point. All the work of almost a year, and this is the shape I'm in??? I even questioned if I was too old to do this. Seriously. I'm 54 years old and wasn't in the best shape to begin with. So I got pissed. Then I got really angry and made a plan. Then I said, oh f*ck this and ate like there was no tomorrow. I have not been to Crossfit since Tuesday and I have eaten ice cream, Taco Bell, Boston's Pizza, hamburger & fries, donut holes, and soda. I can honestly say that I hav...

I am going to limit the amount of time I sit at the computer. It's not a lot, but it's a start. I have a lot of work to do for my courses, much of it involves reading. I'm going to clean the spare room up a bit so I can lower my treadmill. I will walk while I read. And only 1 hour at the computer at a time. No more. If I'm writing and really caught up in something, I will fire up the laptop and write while I stand. Another change is running in the morning. I'm going to run every morning. Just a little, but some. Crossfit every night. That's for now. After summer school ends I will switch it up some. Finally, mobility in the evenings. If I'm going to sit and watch TV, I'm going to develop a mobility program. I have gotten so tight lately, I need to loosen up. Okay, a plan is taking shape in my mind. I'm starting to feel better.

I cannot express how upset I am at myself. I honestly feel like crying. I did not finish a WOD tonight. First time in almost a year and I am very, very upset about it. I don't know why I'm so upset about it. I mean, think about it. I've done no running. My eating has only been okay. And yet I expect to be able to just do this??? WTF??? Am I an idiot???? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. In that case, I am insane. I have got to change this up. I want to run. I want to run. I want to run. Starting tomorrow I'm running. Every morning. At least until summer school ends. Then I'm Crossfitting at 6 am and running in the evenings. I'm tired of things remaining the same. And the eating has got to get in line. It's not bad but I have dessert a little too often. Once or twice a week is fine. Every night, not so much...... I love how my feelings run....I was so upset with myself, I seriously wanted to cry. Now I...