Step Away From the Cake

One week I'm up, next week I'm down, only to go back up again the following week. In the entire time I have been at WW I have lost .4 lbs. Yes, you read that right .4. I am so very, very tired of this. However, on the plus side, I have not gained. Before that I was constantly creeping upward, there was never any downward movement. So I haven't gained in 5 months and that is a huge plus. But I want to lose. I rode my bike to WW this morning and as I was riding home I was thinking about this subject. As I was riding I also noticed that I am much stronger riding then I was 2 weeks ago. I didn't wear my watch, but I felt like I made the journey in record time today. And I just generally felt stronger. So I started thinking about how every little bit helps me become a better, stronger rider. Even those short, 5 minute, rides to the bus stop in the morning add to my overall fitness and bike riding ability. That lead me to think about my weight loss or lack there of.

The instructions are as follows: Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Drop into a squat with your hands on the floor in front of you. Kick your feet back. Return to the squat and push up with your arms. Leap up with your arms overhead. I hate these things. I despise them. They make me sweat, and breath hard, and want to vomit. I hate them. But I do them. I know they are good for me and I know that the more I do them the better I will get at them. So I do them. Bitching and moaning and grumbling the entire time.  Kind of like the way I used to do push-ups. I used to hate push-ups. Hate. Them. But I did them because I knew they were good for me and I knew that the more I did the better I would get. So I did them. And I did. Get better that is. Now push-ups do not bother me at all. I'm not great at them but I'm better then I used to be and I do them gladly.  Now I do that with burpees. I hate them but I do them. And guess what? I'm getting better at t

So after I wrote my post last night I got to thinking. I mean really, really thinking. I really do have nothing to be afraid of. I'm afraid of failure?? That doesn't make a lot of sense since I've failed at many things. Maybe I'm afraid of success. But that's kind of silly too because success would just get this burden off my back. Maybe I like the burden. Maybe I like saying oh I have to write this thesis, I have to work out, I have to do this, I have to do that....blah, blah, blah..... Maybe that's it. I'm not 100% positive but I know that I really want to write my thesis and workout. That's definite. So I'm taking the bull by the horns and doing that. Starting right now. I woke hungry, actually starving, and really needed something to eat, so I had breakfast. I need to wait at least an hour or so before I work out now. So I'm going to work on the thesis and then workout. I'm going to break it up too, so I'm not sitting on my a

I have to write a thesis. I have to write this thesis by May. If I don't all hell breaks loose and life gets really, really difficult. I've known this for months. Easily 4 months. Have I done anything? Not really. Do I have anything to really show for all that time? No. Why? Although deep down I've known the answer all along, I haven't been really able to admit it to myself until tonight. I don't believe in myself. I don't believe that I could do this. Now, let's examine that for a few moments and just realize how ridiculous that really is. I write. A lot. I have been blogging for 8 years. For probably 6 of those years I've even made money off my blog. My writing. On top of that I've written innumerable papers and literature reviews and what not for school. I've done all kinds of things but for some reason I think I can't do this. That's insane. Look at this, right here, right now. I'm sitting writing coherent sentences and