Step Away From the Cake

Yesterday everything ended. I am no longer waiting. I am no longer stressing over things. I am no longer..... So here begins a new mindset. Now is the time to start. I have to make a change and I have to do it immediately. First, a couple of things. My back has been bothering me and I think it's because of the size of my stomach. It is huge. Also, my foot is bothering me some and I am so sure that is due to weight I can't even consider any other option. And tired. So, so, so tired. And really tired of being tired. So here's the plan starting today. I'm working out every day and staying active on top of that. Today I start with Jillian and a trip to the beach with Bella. Then it's off to work. No time to rest there. Tomorrow it's up early, workout with Jillian and off to work at 7:30. Home by 4:30 and it's walking the dogs and resting. Monday it's an hour workout, probably Bob, cleaning house, running up to school, maybe taking Bell...

I hate not knowing what I'm doing.  I hate not having a clue about what's going on. Control freak much?  Yeah, a bit. Ican definitely roll with the punches, but a need a clue. Just a small clue as to what is going on.  Being involved in this Aloha show has created a ton of stress because I had no clue what the h*ll I was doing. The other lady used to dance hula and has seen countless shows. Me? Not so much. So this year has been a giant ball of stress for me.  Today tjough it ends. The show is at 10 am and by noon it will all be history. Hopefully I'll sleep good tonight and all this stress will melt away.  Wish me luck!

I always feel like I waiting on something. A date. An event. Something to happen. Always. Waiting , waiting, waiting..... This week I'm waiting for Friday to get here. Friday is the Aloha Show at school that I have been working on. Friday is the day it is all over. The last 2 weeks have been very stressful and crazy with all kinds of weird stuff. Oh, also the administration at school lost their freaking minds and started doing some bizarre things. That helps a lot, thanks. So stress has been my constant companion for a couple of weeks now. But it all ends Friday. Actually, it's pretty much over. Everything is done it's just a matter of bringing it all together. That happens tomorrow at 1:30. In other news, I got a fellowship in the New Science Teachers Academy of the National Science Teachers Assoc. It's a very cool thing and I'm really excited to have gotten it. I get a mentor, some publications, and a trip to the national convention. Cool. So that is exc...

Okay. So I've come to terms that I am fat and out of shape. And I have what I think is a broken finger and it makes typing tough. Back to my weight. So I'm fat, out of shape and over 50. Yeah!! I can't do anything about the over 50 part so I just have to learn to live with that. But I can do something about being fat and out of shape. No more screwing around. I have got to get serious. II'm kind of down tonight. Thinking about all this just brings me down. I have done some prep to try and make the upcoming week easier and to make myself feel better, I went shopping and got stuff I like for breakfast and lunch so I won't be tempted to buy. I also ironed the clothes I'll wear this week and hung them in sets so they are ready for me to just jump into. I have also painted my toenails with black nail polish and silver crackle. It looks so cute. I'll try and post a picture of them. I wish I could get a manicure but I have toenail fungus so I can't d...

Thanks for the guest post by Donn Schroeder I called my mom today to tell her about one of the more embarrassing things that I had done in the last week. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I had some work to do at home before the Security Choice installer stopped by the house. I decided to get my favorite coffee drink from McDonald’s. I ordered by usual iced skinny mocha latte with no whip cream. They gave me the total and I preceded to the check out. I paid and drove off. Right before I made a right out of the parking lot it occurred to me that I had driven off after paying and not gotten my latte! So I wheeled back through the drive-thru. The manager at the window started to giggle, he said it was a “drive-thru” but not “drive all the way thru!” I was embarrassed. I tried to explain my crazy day, but the truth is my day really wasn’t that crazy, I was just being a dingbat! He laughed and said that I was not the first and wouldn’t be the last.

I can't help but look at myself the way I was a couple of years ago and the way I am now. I can't help but look at the shirts and awards from the races I've done and feel sad. I can't help but look at the clothes in my closet that don't fit and be depressed. But I have to stop that. I have to quit looking backwards and just look forward. I'm going to start working on that this week. I'm going to work on feeling good about myself and not dwelling on the weight I've gained or the fitness I've lost. I'm Starting at the bottom and working my way back up. I'm ready to do it. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and am ready to start working my way out. I have to. I can not go on like this.