Step Away From the Cake

I sometimes wonder about myself. Seriously. I'm reasonably intelligent. Fairly articulate. Relatively intuitive. And yet sometimes I'm a complete moron. Three weeks ago I had these grandiose plans of working out twice a day; tracking every little thing I ate; creating huge calorie deficits and losing vast amounts of weight. Then life hit. I worked out and hurt my back. Then I got rolling on my thesis which distracted me from working out. Then I was getting tired from working late. Then I just got lazy. Here's the deal, I'm pissed off and angry with myself for not doing the things I want to do. I want to run. I see people out jogging when I'm walking the dogs and I think "that's what I want to do." So why am I not doing it? A couple of reasons - none of them great. First, my weight. I'm too heavy at this point to try and run, everything hurts. (Please note that I started running when I weighed over 200 lbs so this really is a lame excus...

slow. Seriously. I consider myself an extremely bright person. I have a pretty sharp mind withe the ability to use reason and logic like a weapon. But sometimes, sometimes, I can be slow on the uptake. I have pretty much given up on serious binging. The kind where I eat until my stomach hurts and I don't want to eat for 3 days after. Seriously. I could consume 1,000 or more calories in the course of an hour or so when I was in the frenzy of binge. I hated it. So while I no longer do that, I still have my moments where I break down an have a tiny binge. Maybe I'll have McDonald's for breakfast or lunch. Maybe I'll get donuts on my way home from work. Really not that serious in the grand scheme of things but still a binge. One of the things that happens in my head when I have one of these binges is why? Why do i still do this? Why can I not resist the lure of the Golden Arches? Why? Why? Why? And I've never been able to satisfactorily answer that question to...

In 17 minutes summer begins..... Woo Hoo!!! When you live in Hawaii it's hard to get excited about summer. It's summer a lot. A. Whole. Lot. And this spring has not been great with a whole lot of rain and windy weather. Yuck. Hopefully from here on out that will improve. So my big plan yesterday fell by the wayside before it even got started. I did not record my food. I forgot to wear my FitBit to record my steps. And I'm sure I ate over 1500 calories. I could give a whole list of reasons why these things didn't happen, but I'm not going to. Excuses are like assholes, every ones got one. So instead of dwelling on failure, I'm going to choose to move on. I will set the same goals for today. Record all food, eat under 1500 calories and get in 10,000 steps. I put my FitBit on just now so I won't forget. One day....Just One Day..... I can't be upset about yesterday though. I got a ton of stuff done. It was incredibly productive so it's hard to...

I was looking through Facebook this morning and one of the pages I like posts results for weekend races here in Hawaii.  The North Shore Triathlon came up, it was held over the weekend.  I was looking at the pictures and thought to myself, next year I will do that.  Then it hit me - I've been saying that a lot lately.  A. Whole. Lot.  And I'm not liking it. At. All. I feels like I've put my life on hold.  Why? Because I need to work a second job to make money?  That's a lame excuse. There are people who work 2 or 3 jobs and still find time to do races and train. Because I'm tired? Again, lame!!!! There are people who are way busier than I am and they manage to make it through their day. Those are just excuses.  I have gained some weight and do not have as much energy as I did and I'm using that as a crutch to lean on.  Time to stop. My back is hurting, my left knee and my left heel are hurt.  Instead of throwing myself into a big old...

Yesterday was a really great day. I didn't have to go into work until 10 am, so I worked on my thesis for about 2 hours. Awesome. I have actually got things rolling and started working on writing it. As it turns out I have a bunch of papers involved with this project; notes, printouts, etc; also I want to dedicate my netbook to this probject for the duration, unless I can finagle a way to get myself a tablet touch screen , that would be awesome but not likely - at least right now. Anyway, I was trying to come up with some ideas for maintaining organization and keeping everything together. Then while at work last night I noticed that we carried the Wonderfile . While I don't believe it to be the fabulous thing they claim it to be, I thought it might be the perfect thing to keep everything in one place.  So I bought one.  It looks like it will work out great and I think I'll use it for school when I am done with my thesis.  Which will be soon. So I ate well ...