Step Away From the Cake

Revelation time....looking at the world one day at a time is unbelievably liberating. not only do i not get crazed looking at the big picture, i don't freak out over the little things. for example, last night i didn't make it to workout due to a traffic accident (not mine). i didn't freak out at all i just told myself it's only one day. tonight i couldn't make my workout either due to having to get some work done. again, no freak out, just reminded myself that it is only one day and tomorrow will be different. it's great. i really love it. for some reason my caps lock seems to not be working. hmmmm.... it's probably from the birds playing on the keyboard. they already pulled off a couple of keys. luckily they were ones i don't use much. it's almost time for another colonoscopy. i hate doing them but my dad died of colon cancer so i have to. too bad i just can't use a colon cleanser instead of that stuff they make you drink. yuck...

This whole one day at a time thing seems pretty cool. I got up at 4:30 yesterday telling myself that I'm just going to get up and run today. I ran. I then took every meal that way; it's just for this meal. I kept my options open in that I told myself I could rest/not workout/eat dessert later. I could not workout tonight. I could have dessert later, etc. It really works. I did the same thing again today. By focusing on right now and not thinking long term I have the desire and energy to do things. It is most definitely cool. In other news, a friend of mine just had a baby. I find it incredible that anyone in their 40's would have a baby. Willingly. It is crazy. She was debating about breast feeding. I remember when I had my daughter it was the thing to bottle feed. No one breast fed then. Now many more people breast feed. In fact, some breast feed until the child is 2 or 3 years. I know that there is some really important stuff in breast milk , but 3 years o

I got some disturbing news tonight. Nothing overall that earth shattering but definitely a blow. I decided on a course of action that was really the only option and I thought I was dealing with it. So off I went to workout. I thought I was in a pretty good mood - all things considered - and was looking towards my workout. It began and slowly got more and more intense. As the intensity ramped up my thoughts go inward. I focus on what I'm doing and don't get involved in the class "banter" that goes on. Tonight as my thoughts turned in I realized I'm very, very upset about this whole thing. What I thought was dealing with it was actually just pushing it down. I'm mad about a couple of things and I was burying it. The harder I worked the more it started to come up. I seriously felt like one of those breakdowns on the Biggest Loser. At one point I got so choked up I had to stop and I was this close to throwing in the towel and going home. I didn't,

I'm a big picture kind of person. I guess that's part of what makes me a good teacher; I can see the overall picture and then fill in the details from there. It's also part of why I'm such a conservative. I see the big picture - welfare is overall not a good thing - and I don't look at the details. This big picture attitude is great in many circumstances. It helps when trying to organize a project, I can look at what needs to be accomplished and see the steps along the way. It's also a curse. I see huge projects and cringe. I think about all the things that need to be done to reach a big goal and I feel overwhelmed. I think that's one of my big problems with my weight loss. Every Sunday night I say to myself that I'm going to eat right and get all my workouts in for one week. I say this all the time and rarely succeed. It suddenly dawned on me tonight why I fail. I'm looking at too big a picture. I always plan for one week, then if som