Step Away From the Cake

Definitions of scattered on the Web: occurring or distributed over widely spaced and irregular intervals in time or space; "scattered showers"; "scattered villages" confused: lacking orderly continuity ; "a confused set of instructions"; "a confused dream about the end of the world"; "disconnected fragments of a story"; "scattered thoughts" That would be me..... I have a tendency to get distracted by different things and not follow through on others.  I always joke that I have adult ADD, but I'm beginning to think I'm not joking as much as I thought.  I've been like this most of my life,  I have years of unfinished projects in the studio to attest to that.  But I have also learned how to deal with it over the years.  If it's something I want badly enough I will stay focused and follow through. But, no matter how badly I may want it, if it's  long term project it's hard for me......very hard.....

I've really been rethinking my whole idea of food and eating. This is a process that actually began a few years ago when I began shifting my thinking to food only as fuel. Part of that process involved losing the idea that food can make me feel happy, or wanted, or anything at all. That has been fairly successful in that when I am turning to food to hide feelings I know it now. I am well aware of why I am eating crap. It doesn't always stop me but admitting and acknowledging the problem is definitely half the battle. During that journey I began to focus my eating on mostly unprocessed foods. My general rule was if it didn't come from the ground or have parents I didn't eat it. No I was not perfect but I figured if I did that 80-90% of the time I was way ahead of most people. Over the last year or so I slacked on this rule. I began eating more and more processed food and justifying it by "well, I'm only eating this" until eventually I was eating a

With this whole house situation I am incredibly stressed. I finally decided on Monday that I just had to let it go....If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't....My losing sleep, not working out, and eating everything in sight is not going to change things one way or the other. So I am working on getting to a zen place where I don't let these things bother me. I'm tired of needing lots of hand cream because my eczema is acting up from the stress, or larger pants from eating too much, or acne cream because stress causes pimples in a 50 year old!!! Who knew!!!! I have not worked out since Monday. That will help me deal with the stress but I just don't have it in me. I've decided to give myself a break for a couple of days. Maybe this weekend.....

This whole house thing is really wearing me down. Every time I turn around there is something new. I don't think I can take anymore. It's a health issue now. I'm so completely stressed out and that is not good for me. I'm trying to keep up minimal workouts because it definitely helps handle the stress but it's tough. Hopefully things will settle down one way or the other in the next few days. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I think maybe I should move to the mainland and get into motorhome towing , it can't be as stressful as this......