Step Away From the Cake

I keep an offline journal as well as this one. There are some things I write that I just don't want anyone to read. I was doing some writing in it this morning about my Manic May, 30 minutes of activity and no sweets for 30 days. So I was just kind of laying out the guidelines for myself, exactly what I want to accomplish (it's not necessarily weight loss) and exactly what's forbidden so that I don't try to justify a treat in a weak moment. As I was writing this I made a comment about how I'm tired of starting over. Which made me think, if I'm so tired of it why do I do it so much? Which made me think, maybe it's not the starting over that I hate but the follow through. Starting over is always fresh and exciting. Where as following through can be boring and dull. So what if I view everyday as a new start. Every morning I will think of it as the first day. Every night I will plan for the next day like I'm doing something brand new. I know that ...

I want to kick it into gear before summer. I'm really feeling it. The sun is up earlier and later. I'm inspired to work out again. I was watching Oprah today, I do that a lot recently, and Jenny McCarthy is giving up sugar for 30 days. I like that. Giving up something for 30 days takes you right up to Memorial Day and the unofficial start of summer. I would like to set up a 30 day workout and food challenge for myself. I'm thinking of at least 30 minutes of activity everyday (I do way more then that now but that will give me just a little if I take a day off) and no desserts. I'm just getting back into the workout mode the way I want to be so this should help me seal the habit. Also, desserts are my downfall. More nights then not I have something for dessert. It may only be a bowl of chocolate Special K but it's still something. I really, really, really want to break that habit. I'm thinking this is what I'll do. I have to dwell it over a lit...

I've been dropping Entrecards and reading some blogs. One thing that struck me on quite a few blogs is how people let one thing define them. That started me thinking. What defines me? Do I let one or two things define me? Are these good things? The answers to these questions are complex and not always easy. What defines me? Many, many things. What I do, what I enjoy, the company I keep, the hobbies I have, the things I do, the things I say, etc..... Those are just the things that pop into my head in the last 10 seconds. Imagine if I really put some thought into it? Do I let one or two things define me? Ah....this was interesting. Giving it some decent thought I realized that sometimes I let this happen. I've been doing this more lately. I let one or two aspects of me take over and I become obsessive about certain things. Interesting....It opened my eyes. Along those lines, one of the things that used to define me was my level of activity. I've let it slip in...

An interesting thing happened today. To make a long story very short, we ended up having a teacher appreciation lunch in the room I work in today. It was put on by the PTSO and they provided all the food and drinks. It was very nice and I got a free lunch. The thing was, as with most events of this type, there was more desserts then anything else. I managed to get a sandwich and some veggies. Some of our student helpers were there and I got some food for them too. One of the students wanted some dessert so I went and got a little of this and a little of that. The students and I ate it and I probably ate more then I should have. About 2 hours later I was so incredibly tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. I mean literally was having trouble holding my head up. I was wiped out. I got home and laid down on the couch and dozed for about 30 minutes. I got up and ate a handful of peanuts and really felt much better. I could not believe how tired I got once that sugar kicked in. ...

I am very, very tired. I think the 8 straight days of working out has caught up to me. I just could not get out of bed this morning. So I slept in a little. I would have like to slept in more but I still need to go to work no matter how tired I am. I think that swim yesterday took a lot out of me even though it was only a short swim. The water was cold (to me) and I am just not in shape for swimming. My lats hurt and my shoulders were sore. Clearly something to work on. Part of the problem was that my eyes hurt after my swim. I remembered that ocean water can do icky things to my eyes and ears. I rinsed them good but I really need to wash my face after swimming and I didn't. So my eyes burned a little bit all night and that makes me more tired. Ocean water also dries out my skin so I have to be more diligent with the lotion. Of course it's great if I have any blackheads , it will clear those right up. Well, I've wasted enough time. I need to go get ready for ...

And it was fun. I decided to go swimming on my way home today. So I went to Kailua Beach (frequently voted one of the best beaches in the world) and went for a little swim. The water was freaking cold but it was fun. I really enjoy swimming and the ocean and I'm going to do that more often now that the weather is warming up. I'm glad I went.

Okay, seriously, this is my last post of the morning. In spite of all my posting I've been very busy, getting lots done. I did my cardio workout this morning and then, because it is so gorgeous, I pulled out my bike, cleaned it up and took it for a spin. That is where reality bitch-slapped me across the face. I have lost so much fitness it is not funny. All those months I spent dithering back and forth, should I do this, should I do that, blah, blah, blah..... What I should have been doing is getting off my fat butt and moving. So the realization hit me and I need to change it. I enjoy riding my bike and want to be able to do it without killing myself. I went about 4 miles this morning and thought I was going to die. I have got to figure out a way to get back to where I was before. I know if I work on that the pounds will come off and things will be as I want them to be. I just need to figure out how to get back there. I do know that I undermine myself and I have to stop ...

Okay, I was going to go workout when I made the mistake of stepping on the scale. I did that because I feel huge. I was right, I am huge. I don't understand. For the last 6 days I have been working out and watching what I eat. Yet I am now 3 lbs higher then I was 6 days ago. Yes, I know, I did not eat enough to gain 3 lbs in 6 days but what's going on. We did go out to dinner yesterday maybe I had to much salt or something? I did have a glass of Sangria, maybe that's it?? Maybe I'm not drinking enough water. I haven't been tracking that as closely as I should. In fact, I don't remember drinking any water yesterday. Okay, I'm starting to feel better. I realize it has to be some 'outside' influence. I've been eating 1600-1800 calories a day. That is no where near too low so I think that's okay. I have been working out regularly and burning around 2500 cals, so mathematically I should be losing weight. Okay, Okay, I'm going to...

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's nuts about lists. I feel better now :) I guess instead of letting it make me crazy I should embrace it and really get into it. I can do that. I got everything on my lists done both days except for one thing. Making dog biscuits. I have to do that today. Today is a waiver day at the high school so I have a free day. My list today consists mainly of activity. There's a couple of things I want to do and today seems like a good day to do them. Something I'm eating is not agreeing with me. I thought I had gotten a handle on that but now there's something new in the mix. Either that or I ate more wheat/wheat gluten then I thought this weekend. I did not write everything down so I'm not positive. Back to tracking everything today. Do you realize it is almost May and I am still wearing long pajama bottoms at night?? Something is wrong with this picture. Where is global warming when you need it? I'm worried ab...