Step Away From the Cake

I'm sitting here freaking out. I literally can't move cause I'm freaking out. You might ask why I'm freaking out. Okay, I'll tell you. First, it's the race tomorrow. I always get nervous the day before any race, that's just the way I am. It's been cloudy and rainy for most of the week with little to no wind. If that continues through today, which it looks like it will, the swim tomorrow will be flat, calm, and cold. No sun to heat the water up. Yikes. But no wind to create nasty chop. Yeah!! So that's one part. Second, I have to go pick up my taxes in an hour and a half. I know I owe, the tax lady told me that, but I don't know how much, too afraid to ask. So that's got me freaked out. Okay, and a little pissed. I'm going to scrape up the money to pay in 3 days, then the government is going to turn around in a month or two and send me a check for $1200. Does this make any sense at all??? If I could deduct that $1200 I wou...

I've gone back to serious weight training this week since I was 'resting' for the tri on Sunday. I've taken today off though because I want to be fully rested and chomping at the bit to move on Sunday. Tomorrow morning, early, I'm going to Kailua beach for a swim, but that's not really a workout that's more for the panic thing. Other than that, that's it. Rest, relax, eat well, drink lots of water. That's my plan for the next 2 days. Tomorrow I pick up my taxes. I know I owe, I just didn't ask how much. If it's too much I may have to change my name and move out of the country :) I hate taxes. I hate the government. I hate entitlement programs. I hate welfare. I hate politicians. So there!!! Well, I've done everything I possibly can to try and save Gulliver. I've contacted Best Friends, the best rescue organization in the world, and they have agreed to take his case. If anyone can get him off Fanning Island and back to th...

If anyone out there knows anyone at all connected to Fanning Island or Christmas Island or the nation of Kirabti, please help save the life of a bird. You can read the whole story here . If you know anyone who might be able to help please forward the story to them. You can contact the person in the article or contact me and I'll put you in touch with the powers that be. If there's anything at all that you can do please help save Gulliver.

So last night I did it again. Went swimming that is. We haven't had any real sun here in about 2 days, there's this weird weather thing going on with the volcano and everything - it's a mess. Anyway, no real sun translates into cold water. Very cold water. Plus the tide was coming in so it was a little bit wild, not as wild as it gets when it's windy, but decent. So I got to the beach and because of the weather it was pretty empty. I stepped into the water and wanted to turn around and go home, it was really, really cold. But I pushed on. When I got fully in I discovered one of my problems. When my face hits the water the adrenaline surges and I think if I'm a little freaked out, that turns into a panic attack. I felt it starting yesterday but was able to talk myself down rather rapidly, so that was good. I swam for 15 minutes, because it's a 500m swim and I shouldn't take longer than that, and I never got warm the entire time - that's how cold...

So I went swimming last night. It was great. I now have a great memory to overlay the bad one. The problem is that we are having a weird weather system and that area was lake like. While I'm praying for that for race day, I wanted it to be wild last night so I could face the demon head to head. I'm going to stop again tonight, probably tomorrow night, and Saturday morning. That way by Sunday morning I should be incredibly comfortable with that area. Now that the race is here, I've stepped up my weight training again. I've been focusing on tri workouts but now I'm back to serious weight training, and I can feel it :) I've got a lot of work to do so I'll check back with everyone later.

Okay, I think I may have figured out my problem. It's hard to explain so you'll just have to take my word for it. I did a lot of thinking and writing last night and when I came across this particular idea the tension seemed to leave my body. The heavy weight that I had been carrying since Sunday morning seemed to lift. So I'm pretty sure I've hit the nail on the head. Well, tonight I test it out. Tonight, on my way home, I'm stopping for an ocean swim. Frankly I'm hoping it's a little windy and a little rough, I need to face the demon head on and the worse the water the better to beat it back. I will let you know later how this epic battle plays out.

Yesterday I met some folks at the tri site to swim. I thought it'd be great practice. My swimming is really coming along well and I thought this would be the perfect thing to do a week before the race. Ummm.... not so much. The beach where the tri will be is very erratic and unpredictable. Sometimes the ocean is smooth and still as a lake here. Other times it's like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, waves, currents, wind, it can be pretty miserable. So we got there Sunday and once everyone arrived we got ready and headed out. Now the water was cold. I mean cold enough to take my breath away. Big Time. I literally could not breath. Then, with the waves there, I started having one of my panic attacks. Only this one was a biggie. I couldn't breath because of the cold and now I couldn't breath because I was panicking. I rolled over on to my back and just floated trying to calm myself down. I was really having a hard time. It was right around this time that I decided ...