How badly do you want it??

I was watching the Biggest Loser finale last night. I know I've said it before but I'll repeat, when this show started I thought it was the stupidest show idea ever. But I've come around and am now a huge fan. There have been times when I've wished I was big enough to get on the show. Okay, not really. But it sure would be nice to have 4 months where I could just focus on weight loss. Perfect my diet and exercise program so I was losing weight at a rapid clip. Thankfully I'm not big enough for that show so I'll have to struggle through on my own.

Last night they were going over the lives of the contestants since they left the ranch. One lady was saying how she got up at 4 am, worked out for an hour, went to work, then headed off to the gym. She didn't get home to 8:30 or 9 every night. She hardly saw her kids. This means she was working out 3 1/2 to 4 hours a day on top of work and home, etc. The other lady was talking about how some days she could really go all out for 4 hours of working out. Excuse me?? 4 hours of working out?? Every day??? That's just crazy.

I've heard before how hard these people work out once they get home. If I had 1/4 of a million dollars riding on it I'd probably work that hard too. But you can't keep that up. I read one former contestant worked out 6 hours a day to maintain. I'm sorry, that's just not something I'm willing to do. For some reason though last night's show really resonated with me and started me thinking. How hard am I willing to work for it??

I want to lose weight. I want to lose body fat. I want to not have the belly fat that I have. But really, how badly do I want it?? Is it worth it to me to give up time with my family and friends? A lot of time?? Is it worth it to fixate on it constantly? Is it worth it to have that be the sole focus of my life? I don't think so. I really, really don't. With all the things I have going on in my life I'm only willing to spend so much time exercising. I will watch what I eat all the time, that can be done while living my life. But I'm not willing to give up 4 hours of my day to workout. I'm just not. And that's okay.

Making that realization was a liberating moment for me. I still want to work out and lose weight, but now I realize I may never reach my dream body because it's not that important to me. Living my life and doing the things I enjoy are way more important then the size of my pants. As much as I would like to be a size 2, I'm not willing to invest the time necessary to reach that number. I really feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. This goal was really weighing me down and, in a way, keeping me from moving forward. I think that's why I have zero desire to do an Ironman. I'm not willing to invest that much time, give up that much of my life, for one thing.

So I have a whole new attitude. Eat healthy. Move more. Quit obsessing about the number on the scale or on my pants or any number anywhere. I'm done with that. I'm going to focus on doing the things I like, running, elliptical, weights. I enjoy those things and I'll do them. I'll move everyday but no more obsessing over things. I'm done......