I've been doing some more thinking

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about what I wrote earlier. I think I struck a nerve and didn't even realize it.

I have just kind of rolled along during my life. Until recently I never really had things I desperately wanted to do. I worked, raised my daughter, had fun, and that was about it. I didn't really plan for the future. I didn't have a vision of my future at all. That's really kind of embarrassing to admit. It was only when my daughter graduated from high school that I felt like I could make plans for myself. Does that make sense?? Prior to that I had been pretty focused on raising her, I didn't plan for myself. Wow, does that make me look bad?? I wasn't, just flaky maybe?

When my daughter graduated, I went back to college. I had always wanted to be in science so I pursued a science degree. It really was only at that point that I started planning for the future. I was going to get my degree, find a job, and settle down to do the things I wanted to do. You can't imagine what this revelation feels like.

All my life I really felt like a kid. I used to say that I didn't feel any different then I did when I was 16. Well, lately I have been feeling different. I've been feeling grown up and I wasn't sure I liked the feeling. Wow!! I can't write anymore. I've got a thousand thoughts and feelings swirling around my head. Hopefully I can sort this out and make sense of it.

Comments

Vickie said…
But think of how far you've come since then! I think you've accomplished a lot, and its more typical than you think, putting your dreams on hold while raising kids.
2:59 AM
Dances with Corgis said…
It's very admirable to kind of sit back and take stock like you have been doing. I'm sure you will get this sorted out. Sending some warm thoughts your way!
6:38 AM
angelfish24 said…
I think it's understandable that you put some of your dreams on hold while raising your daughter. That was your first priority at the time. Sometimes, having a young child now, I have trouble thinking about what I want or thinking, "I can't do that now, I have other obligations, like my child". But, I did go back to college anyway now and have to move forward with future plans as I'm not getting any younger and want a better life for my family and for me.
It's good to think about your life and what you want out of it and where you want to go. It's only natural and hope you get it sorted out.
Have a good week!
10:27 AM
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