Time for some deep thought here.

I just finished reading Mia's post and boy did it hit home for me. Basically she had reached the end and was ready to throw in the towel and quit. Just quit. Give up trying and admit defeat. That really struck a chord in me and really got me to thinking. I've been there. I've been in that place where I am willing to accept that I will be overweight the rest of my life. That I will never be an athlete and that I will never be what I want to be. While this may not be a good place to be mentally, it really does serve a purpose.

In general, once I reach that point, just totally give in to my "defeat" things usually start to get better. Total acceptance is what really allows you to finally and ultimately change. In the past, once I've reached that point of total acceptance I could usually start to do things better. I found the energy to exercise more regularly because I wasn't trying to reach any great ideal, I was simply trying to get healthy. I wasn't looking to necessarily improve myself, only to be the best I could be at that weight. Then, of course, once I stopped having all these high expectations of myself; lose weight, be more active, eat better; things instantly became easier because I wasn't putting any pressure on myself.

So, what does this all mean??? Oh who the hell knows!! No, really. It means I have to lighten up on myself. I have to accept myself as I am and try to be the best I can be. This has really hit home and has made me realize where I'm going wrong. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. I have to celebrate each little tiny victory. I have to give myself credit for exercising and not beat myself up for not doing more.

So a new attitude is now in effect. I signed up for a trail running program today. There is a 10 miler on the volcano on the Big Island at the end of July and I'm going to do it. So I'll be trail running 2 nights a week and Sunday mornings. Starting Monday it's back to the Y; cardio and weights 3x a week and swimming 2x a week. Yoga and pilates at night 3x a week. Bike rides on the weekends. I will celebrate every single workout and not worry if I miss one.

I will take it one meal at a time. I will rejoice in every good choice and if I make a not so good choice I will let it go and move on. I will go to WW every Monday night and stick to the plan.

Wow, you have no idea how light I feel, like a fog has lifted and I can finally see clearly. I'm excited.

Tomorrow is the Kailua Town Party. I'm going to ride my bike over, it's about 5 miles, and cruise around the party. There'll be food and arts and crafts and all kinds of cool stuff. I'll have lunch and then ride home again. That's the kind of things I'll do on the weekends, at least when I'm not trail running :)

Mia, I know you're having a rough patch but thank you. You have no idea how much you've helped me clear things up in my head. Hopefully things will clarify for you too.